One-tasking as the Bridge

Ashram Courtyard

It is true that not everyone is inclined to turn their life upside down, head to an ashram in India, and start meditating 6-8 hours a day.  Less than a year ago, I was a non-meditator, so what changed?  Having everything and still feeling unsatisfied.  There has to be more to life than just doing and having?  Those thoughts have been creeping into my awareness for the past 5 years or more, so they were the seeds for going inward–stillness.   I have been looking at the spiritual world for 25 years, but the idea of meditation just wasn’t on my list.  Type A personality, in motion 16 plus hours a day, seven days a week, so meditating was a foreign land. Looking back, what were some of the practical steps in this pursuit of spiritual deepening through meditation?

Two years ago, I started to try sitting and meditating.  Oh my, the mind chatter was unbelievable.  I could write the manual on “How Not To Have Stillness and Inner Peace.”  In fairness, most of us have had those zen moments while walking on the beach, watching the sunset/sunrise, hiking in a forest, etc.  but what about finding it on command?  Secretly,  I gave up on it and decided to modify the practice.  Instead, I practiced being present in what I was doing.  Now keep in mind, I am one of those dangerous people who can drive, talk on the phone, take notes, and eat a salad, so multi-tasking was a way of life.  The decision to pick a designated period of time and stay focused on what I was doing, was the compromise.  It didn’t matter if I was walking, washing dishes, talking to someone on the phone, driving, etc. but I had to keep my mind on what it was I was doing at that moment.  It was odd at first.  My ego kept reminding me that I was wasting valuable time not doing more than one thing.  My discipline said that I needed to stick to the rules of the game and that one thing was better than none. After awhile, I started to look forward to the time out.  It was a relief to take a multi-tasking break.  I began noticing and enjoying details of life that were often overlooked:  the feel of the breeze, the sound of leaves rustling, the shift in the color patterns of the sky, and so on.  Life happening around me was very relaxing, cool, and inspiring.  Inner peace was creeping into my lifestyle.

Gradually, the designated “one-tasking” time requirement became longer and I found myself being annoyed when I did have to do more than one thing at a time.  I couldn’t be as feeling, sensitive, and in the experience as I wanted to when performing multiple actions.  I was just doing instead of being while doing.  The “just doing” state felt stale, labored, and mechanical.  My mind wanted to wander more, so I didn’t have to feel the lifelessness of the moment.  How did all of this happen?  The “one-tasking” showed me the vitality of living in the moment.  How bizarre said my ego.  “Not logical” as Mr. Spock would say.  Each moment took on a vibrancy that fueled my inner state of tranquil aliveness instead of inner chaos.  Could I live and function from this seemingly introspective, slow motion perspective? What would happen if I lived every moment in my day this way?  Could I function in a Western Society?  I enjoyed the feel of it. Natural living.  No distractions, no self medicating, and less inner tension.

But, I am still only at the one-tasking state instead of meditating in a single-pointed or mindless state.  There was a chance to tag along with a group I knew going to India to be in a real ashram, with a SAT Guru, and meditate a lot.  I happened to be in South Africa riding horses and hanging out in the bush, so I was at least not multi-tasking at maximum capacity.  Why not, dive right in and check it out from a very authentic source and perspective.  They were only going to be there 10 days, so most anything is survivable for 10 days, right?   Besides, they have camels, elephants, and cows walking around on the street, so I could always opt out for animal watching.

Sitting cross-legged for 3 hours of a time wasn’t going to happen.  My body lived from a perspective of working out at the gym for 1-2 hours, riding half a dozen horses or more, and ballroom dancing.  Folding legs up was not doable for more than 30 minutes at a time, so I at least had a distraction of changing my sitting posture every half hour and how to do it without disturbing everyone else’s meditation–especially the Guru’s.  Mentally, It was sort of a forced time out:  no work, no phone, no car, minimal responsibilities like walking to the ashram, sleeping, and eating.  Overall, it was such a unique experience.  I happened to have an additional month scheduled to be away, so I asked if I could stay while the group went home.  What possessed me?  That inner voice.  I had tasted moments of single-pointedness in the meditation and I still had my original list of questions.  Nothing to lose right, so I decided to stay in the rabbit hole a little longer.

At that point, I still felt like a fake meditator, but you have to start somewhere-right? Even as an overachiever, I didn’t expect to master this in a week.  The people at the ashram (natives and visitors) had been at this for years and I had done a little reading to recognize the endlessness of deepening, (even though I didn’t have any practical experience with that state of being.)  I was still using my one-tasking technique to focus on my breath, posture, whirring of the fan overhead, birds calling back and forth, but limiting it to one distraction at a time.  There were moments where I did become still, but was I really sleeping?  How do you know?  Would I ever actually like this instead of just working at it?  Yes, how my ego loved to interject doubt and thoughts.  In spite of its’ hyper-vigilence to question and distract, the stiller moments were lovely.  I felt like I had taken an anti-histamine and was in a do not operate large equipment state of mind.  There was a breakthrough meditation day when I actually wanted to stay in that place and wasn’t looking forward to coming out.  Shocking.

Oh, so this must be what people like about meditation.  It was an offering of a crumb or a moment of insight.  Was I becoming a bonafide meditator?  Could this state of being bring satisfaction to everything that I do in my life?  Was this the answer to my dissatisfaction of life?  Being physical was great while it lasted, but what about all of the in between time? More questions, but something inside of me said to go deeper.  I was hooked.  My clients at home got the fateful email that I would help them transition, because I was going back to India for an undetermined period of time. After three months of filling a storage unit, giving stuff away, finding lodging for my plants/animals, and helping my clients get settled,  I was back in India–living down the street from the ashram in a cement room.

It has been three months now.  I think my GI tract has finally adjusted, I have a routine of sorts, and commit to 4-8 hours of meditation daily.  The “zone” is starting to take on more a part of my waking hours.  There are plenty of real life moments, (India provides plenty of opportunities for stress and contrast to the ashram life), to test and challenge my inner state of presence and peace.  Just a walk down the street with the garbage piles, open sewage, honking horns, neglected animal, begging children etc. will try uprooting the seeds planted in the ashram.  I call it my incinerator walk.  How is my progress?  Starting to have sections of time that my incinerator walk fells like I could be walking in the Redwood forest, my mind is no different than my eyes or nose allowing for mindlessness, and the connection to inner peace can be reproduced on command. What next?  I have no idea, but I have a year or two to follow the path.  Check out my blogposts if you want to know more:  http://waltzinghorses.blogspot.com/

Ashram Lily Pond