When I read some of the unnecessarily harsh comments people post on news articles or blogs (thankfully, not usually mine), I become concerned for our collective future. When the cashier at a store is too busy texting to acknowledge my existence, I find myself put off and, again, concerned. And I don’t even want to get started on when I see people texting and driving.
So, I was happy when I recently had the opportunity to chat with Thomas P. Farley, a New York-based manners and lifestyle expert. His website,Â
whatmannersmost.com, provides all kinds of interesting and useful information about contemporary etiquette. He could relate to my concerns and talked about how people’s use of technology often constitutes bad manners and causes problems in relationships. With this in mind, he shared the following “dos and don’ts†of communicating through technology:
Do:Â Â Turn off your cell phone when you are with others and give them your full attention.If you need to have it on because you are awaiting a very important call, let them know right up front.Â
Don’t: Give more attention to cell phones than people. This is rude and gives people the message that they are not important. In addition, constant texting means you are never really involved in your current interaction. Mr. Farley highlighted this point by noting that someone might not be attending to a conversation because he is texting about plans for dinner, and then arrives at that dinner where he begins to text to make plans for something else.
Do:Â When commenting on blog posts or bulletin boards, be sure that your comments are constructive. You can certainly disagree or make critical statements, but this should be done in a constructive and not unduly harsh way.
Don’t: Be mean-spirited. People too often use their anonymity to say things they would never say in person. Unfortunately, because people are getting used to being less-than-sensitive or have been the recipients of mean statements, this style of communication is trickling out to other interactions – which, of course, is not good for any relationships.
Do:Â Make every effort to respond to personal communications in personal ways.
Don’t: Overuse texting. People often return phone calls or emails with texts – and not just when they are in circumstances where it is clearly preferable, such as at concerts or on the train. While it’s a quick, efficient way of responding, it also is less personal and keeps relationships more distant.
Do:Â Write clearly to help ensure that you are expressing yourself well.
Don’t: Overuse abbreviations. This keeps people from practicing their spelling and from writing clear, articulate messages. The result is that people don’t learn to, or get out of practice with, communicating effectively. It can put them at a disadvantage in getting their points across, which can be a particular liability at many jobs.
Do:Â Make sure that you give thought to, and exert effort with, your close friends.
Don’t: Maintain a vast number of “friends†on social networking sites if it means you wind up spending less time forging close meaningful relationships. Keeping up with a large network of people — though valuable from a business and networking standpoint — takes time and energy. The unfortunate result is often that in their race to rack up virtual acquaintances, many people begin to neglect their real friends; the ones who will be there for them in times of need, and who will give them a deeper sense of connection.
As Mr. Farley finished sharing his thoughts, he explained that people who choose to do these things are respected and liked. And, he added (with an enthusiasm that I really liked), “When you are kind to other people, it comes back to you; AND IT FEELS GOOD.â€
What do you think about communication in this technology age? Share your experiences and thoughts here or join the ongoing discussion in theÂ
Relationships and Coping Community.
